Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
