and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
