i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
