He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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