Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
