The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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