Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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