Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
