i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
