I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
