PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
