God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
did i walk over a car last night?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
