question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
