Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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