Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
