thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
