i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
