You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
