Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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