He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
