Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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