I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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