You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
