I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
