Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
