Cold hands, warm shart.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
