You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
