Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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