I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
