just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
