Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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