Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
