You smell like stripper and shame
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
3pm strippers are depressing
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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