lets start a swedish sibling band together
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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