i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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