It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
