I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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