um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
