neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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