did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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