cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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