Umm I'm too high to move.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
