he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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