I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
