I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
