so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
