I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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