just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
