i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
