my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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