carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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