To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
