I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
