I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
